Happy first day of summer, The longest day of the year is about to pass, and at least on my end it is passing with a party!! I am not a fan of light at 5 am and light still at 9:30 pm. I am a fan of mid winter light!
And let me just say that those who love hot summers don’t want to come to Western PA, cuz it is just STILL downright cold here. And again, I am a winter fan, so this low 70’s stuff is excellent!!! I have not put my winter clothes away yet.
And did I mention that I hate the typical summer weather? Heat, humidity; and this year, it seems, torrential RAIN is in the daily forecast.
I actually like summer storms: thunder, lightning, hail. They are second only to snow. I guess there is not weather I don’t like except temps over 80 degrees? Not particular at all, right?
Eating in the last few days has been OK, but a struggle. And one day was a downright return-to-all-things-binge-related. I really want to learn why I go down that path, but when it happens, I cannot get to the bottom of the why. I pray through it, trying to get answers, and honestly, I always boil it down to obedience vs disobedience.
When I find myself in that bingeing state, there is always a lack of listening to God going on. I cannot fix that in the moment, but I need to learn how to work on it ahead of time to keep it under control.
Its the old what-am-I-hungry-for conversation that starts in my head. And honestly in the beginning, I can talk myself out of stuff. But eventually, I loose that ability and give it to all the cravings and desires that I should not give in to.
At those times I am always so blessed by the presence of GRACE. It is only grace that can cover the shame. It is only grace that can cover that idolatrous place I give to food.
I was reading Leviticus 26 today in my quiet time, and it is a chapter so full of a forward look to grace. The Israelites are reminded of the blessings awaiting them if they obeyed: peace in the land; all their enemies will be defeated by them; the land will be rid of wild animals. But then there is a harsh reminder of what disobedience will bring about. And this is what makes me think of grace.
In hindsight, I know the level their disobedience went to, just as I am well-aware of the level my disobedience goes to. Many times they are told, “And if you don’t…” and sure enough they don’t. And they end up in that spot of ultimate punishment, decades of captivity in a foreign land (vs 33-35).
But my ultimate spot of punishment for disobedience is grace. Yes, at times there are consequences to pay along with that grace, but Jesus dies so I might be bathed in that grace.
Grace is never allowed to make me arrogant or unaffected by my sin, but as long as my heart breaks with my sin…and boy, does it…that grace is readily available. Along with a healthy dose of mercy and love and peace.
And an elimination of that shame that is always trying to define me.
I would love to say that I am going to conquer this relationship I have with food that derails me, but I might not. What has to happen is a quick return to the goodness of my Savior, who forgives and forgets when I repent. And unlike so often, this time I got right back on the band wagon of raw. While sin might get me down, it is not going to defeat me.
I AM AN OVERCOMER.
One thing I have been able prove is that unless your diet is 100% raw, the weight loss doesn’t happen. The calories all count whenever any cooked food is thrown into the mix. In my very unscientific brain, I feel like the cooked food backs everything up in the digestive tract and so it sits for time instead of passing through in just a short time. Raw food spends very little time in your stomach and colon. Unless something gets stuck in there.
Don’t you love my scientific explanation? I warned you!
One thing I have just avoided is eating out. If I know the restaurant, and can be sure it has large salads, then I would agree. But it is just easier to eat at home. With my lack of self-discipline this week, I have food in the refrig that needs eaten up. And I absolutely hate wasting food!! My budget likes for me to eat at home too.
So a weekend is before me. Early next week I have a job interview. I am reminding myself that whichever way the decision goes is OK; but deep inside, I know it really isn’t. But for now I am choosing to believe that God has worked this out for me. I will agree with God in whichever way the story goes, though.