I am in the End Part of life. There’s no way to know how long this end will last, so it is a wide open end, for sure. If life could be viewed as an amusement park ride, we all know a roller coaster would be the correct choice. All the ups and downs; all the twists and turns. And honestly I am never unaware of the fact that God designed and foreknew this apparent mess before I was born. It is my carefully crafted story right from divine hands.
Like a roller coaster ride, there can be multiple types of End Parts to life. Sometime,s after spinning and turning for some time, the ride will end abruptly with little warning. Other roller coasters have what I call a home stretch, a nice flat distance of track where the train slows and gently glides to a stop.
To me the abrupt ending, when viewed in a life context, is a life that ends without much warning. A life that ends this way is often hard to grasp in the short term. But it is how the story for that soul was orchestrated. The God-given purpose that person had on this planet is done, and if a believer, they begin their time of eternity in heaven with Jesus. There are many days I envy that person!! How I would love to be at that point in my life, but I sense that God has things for me to do yet, as He has placed in me such a restless longing for what more He has prepared for me here.
The life that parallels with that nice flat distance into the gate is where I feel like I am walking currently. The years of raising children are over. My youngest is a young adult and is so very capable of good choices and planning for a future that God will reveal in His time. I know my sole reason for desiring to remain earth-side for any length of time is very tied up in her and desiring to see the life God gives her. But my childrens’ need for me is pretty much over.
And I am OK with that.
The part of the end game that I am not so OK with is the degeneration of this temple we call home. It gets tired of its job here. It was created to last for a certain amount of time, and as it slides nearer and nearer that end, things go wrong left and right. And when we fail to care for our temple as God asks us to, it is 100 times worse than it needs to be. I have such a love-hate relationship with this flesh and bones that I live in, but I have no one to blame but myself.
So while I am sure that the end part of life will be HARD, I have no idea about any specifics. I would love to assure myself that if I could overcome and lose weight and start a better protocol of life choices, the value of the End Part might increase. But as it is, the time is being spent without a lot of redeeming value. Lots of physical pain due, in part, to some chronic autoimmune diseases, but also to so much excess weight. Not a day goes by without this battle:
“Oh, who cares. Just live the End Part of life and enjoy every minute you can while you can.”
“You have to overcome this disordered eating so that you can lose weight in obedience to God, because He might very well have something for you to do in the next years, and you won’t be able to do it.”
Anyone else battle the voices inside them on a daily basis? Again, I am so adamant that I am completely to blame for the way things are. I think that is part of the desire to just throw in the proverbial towel? I have convinced myself it is just way too hard to change: change the way I eat; change how much I eat; change my amount of exercise; change my attitude toward food. But really, as I have often said, it really isn’t about all that. It is about who or what has Lordship over my life. Who/what is seated on the throne? It’s about obeying Jesus Christ or spending the rest of my life disobeying.
So tomorrow starts a new week, new mercies, new mindset. Not a morning do I wake up without a prayer of wonder if this will be THE DAY I finally learn what it feels like to live in total submission to the one who created me for a purpose. For reasons I cannot explain, I have not given up. Such a God thing, for sure. So I will move into sleep and then a newness that could be all things new.
If I allow it…