I have mentioned, I think, in previous weekly reviews that life has become so different than it was? And the “was” is the pattern of life I loved. The current way of things is attempting to drive me insane. So today, I was convicted to take a different look at things. Not “another” look, but a different look.
If God is sovereign over every minute of my life…and He is…then the fact that it is now the way it is must have His blessing for some reason. Is all this sounding gibberish-like so far? Maybe I should explain…
I believe that I am now living outside my comfort zone. This morning I read a quote on a friend’s Facebook feed that said, “You cannot fulfill your calling in your comfort zone. It jumped off the computer screen at me as if God put it there just for me. For weeks I have been lamenting my busyness. I have been craving that quieter time, where I was able to do things I wanted to do, in the manner and time I wanted to do them. Instead of continuing in this fashion, I am hereby declaring that I am gonna make myself comfortable in the vast unknown outside my little box. The reason I am most often in my box is that I like it there, thank you very much. But discovering my calling is so important to me.
Maybe I should say confirming my calling? I know what I think my current calling is, but I have to confirm that I really am thinking with the mind of God.
So the week has once again been a conglomeration of good and not so good; a mixed up pile of obedience and disobedience. I have taken to blaming my disobedience on my busyness? But now I know it is a busyness ordained by God to teach me something better and new.
So I switch to learning mode.
There are days I do not get to sit quietly with the Lord in the morning for very long at all. My work schedule, which used to revolve around what I put into place, has now become a get-into-work-early-everyday schedule because there are things that need taken care of early rather than when they are gotten to. I have been thinking through how this relates to my desire to not work at this job much longer? Maybe it relates; maybe it doesn’t?
I have to fight the tendency to tell myself that God holds this marginalized quiet time against me. I know this isn’t the case. Most days I return to the quiet time material later in the day, but I have to fight the urge to just say I am checking of the boxes, so to speak. I try to never allow that to be the case. And there have been days that I never get back around to it. I then think I need to play catch up the next day….again that whole idea of trying to stay in God’s good graces that is so false. Sometimes I am able to dig in deep for a longer period of time than I had expected. But it always has to be about what it I am learning about my Savior and not how much I am getting done?
What does it say about me that I am prone toward that box checking mentality??
One thing that suffers, however, in a faster paced life is food choices and eating in general. When life tends toward the slow, I am able to think through correctness where food is concerned. When it is fast, it is harder. As I look back I see, however, that I often THINK that, but it is not always the case. I can choose wrong even in the slow. And I often do.
Today is a lazy Saturday so far. My daughter has truly tried to guilt me into doing something I have no desire to do, but I held my ground. I have to work a small shift of time mid-afternoon, but until then, I am staying put at my desk.
One good thing: with the extra work hours, I have been speeding through audiobooks faster than I ever imagined. So my books read in 2019 will be an impressive number.
I have become more interested lately in healing and pain management for me personally. Do I believe that God is still in the business of healing these days? Absolutely! Do I think it will look like it did some thousands of years ago when Christ walked the earth and when the church was being established? Not at all. But I have struggled with this: Does God heal miraculously today or is it a slow, steady healing done mostly by the hands of medical professionals. I go back and forth on that, and then I go down a different rabbit trail: Does God heal someone whose pain is totally self-inflicted? Like me. I believe all the issues I have are due to all the excess weight I have carried around for years. But God’s works are always for His glory foremost; and secondarily for my good.
And isn’t it all about will He, not can He? Of course He can! So I have a renewed confidence that my faith needs to rise to the occasion and believe that it is possible. So often I declare things like, “I do not deserve that” or “I would never even ask that.” But I am not asking to awake one morning weighing 100 pounds less. I am asking for God to take away this additive spirit I have so that I can obey and serve Him better by losing weight and getting healthy. I truly believe that is a healing He would get behind.
I have not weighed in since Feb 1, at which point it was still holding steady. I will try to remember to weigh in tomorrow morning.
I have started committing specific food for the day to the Lord each morning. That had helped solidify my commitment. I am still doing an Arbonne shake each mid to late morning; and then a huge salad when I get hungry, mid afternoon or so. If I get hungry again later, which sometimes I do not, I usually have not established a plan. That is what I am going to fix for this week. I need to have a plan for the possibility.
I am reading a book called Cleanse and Purify Thyself by Richard Anderson. It is a 2 book collection, part one and two, describing ways to radiant health. As I read I am realizing that I know so much about hot to be healthy. It is not the knowing that escapes me but the doing. The knowledge of the doing lies here, outside my comfort zone, I am thinking. I want to really think about what exactly that might mean.
My daily Bible reading has had me in Acts this past week or so. I am excited to start Romans for a few reasons: I have a Journible for Romans (copying the word into a journal) that I started a bit back. I have copied chapters 1 through 3. So I will pick up the copying with chapter 4. I also have Learn the Bible in 24 Hours by Chuck Missler that I read alongside Scripture. I must say that sometimes I totally disagree with what is said here, but it is good practice for me to be discerning. I will read Hour 18, Romans, alongside the words of Scripture. Romans is such a powerful epistle, but it is hard to understand sometimes. Each time I read it, I get a little wiser. That is a gift from God! One of the reasons that I am planning this is to teach myself to disregard the “do this much everyday” mentality and read/study for content instead.
As I was closing out this day, I was reminded of how important it is to just laugh hard everyday. What makes you laugh super, uncontrollably hard? I know part of it is your frame of mind, but no matter my frame of mind, I can be in tear-making laughter if I watch videos of babies laughing, people sliding on ice or snow, cats being silly. Things like that. I remember in the past having times of laughing hard with other people, but that was a long time ago? Why is that? what has turning life so serious? I am going to seek out times of laughter with others!!
Laughing hard with others is a way of being REAL. I love times of REALNESS. But I feel like these times are few and far between. Again, why is that? I wonder if seriousness is a part of older age. I don’t know any older folks who are known for their laughing personality?
I am off to dig into Romans for the first time. While I am sure it will not bring laughter, I am sure it will enlighten to the character of God, who delights in laughter from His children!