It’s a calm Saturday, late afternoon. I came home from work earlier, and there were two boxes on my doorstep. The first was my monthly order from Young Living. I got lavender wipes, dish soap, tea tree oil, deodorant, and a small bottle of free Thieves oil. Every month a box; every month a freebie. I order staples and often try out a new oil or product. This month the new item I am trying is dish soap, as I am almost out. Slowly but surely I am switching over to oily products that support health. I have always used all natural products, but these are just a step better. This box each month fits under my grocery budget.
Back in August, 2018 I began to put money away each month for an Illustrated Faith Journal Bible. I had gotten enough saved by early January, only to find that they were out of stock and being reprinted. So I stashed away my money and waited. Last week I got an email that they were back in stock and I immediately ordered one. It also was on my doorstep when I got home. I plan to make this into a Legacy Bible, but need to spend time researching exactly what that will look like. I must say, the sweet pink box it comes packaged in is pretty nice. I will probably save it to keep the Bible in when I am not working on it!
Aside from the Bible, nothing has been bought; nothing has broken any #shoppingwithrules guidelines. No books! That is so amazing for me. I have finished 12 books so far, and have four in process. I was going to try to end the reading of multiple books at one time, but it is just who I am! For everything but audiobooks, I am reading what sits on my shelf, books that have needing read for maybe years!
Bible reading this week finds me in Acts. Not too far from starting Romans.
My eating is wonky again, because I am not keeping an eye on it like I was. For the first time since 2019 started I have gone up a pound and it is staying there. That is my sure indication that I am not obeying. I lament so often that I really do not know how to eat. I do not know what a right portion size is. So weighing and measuring is a must for me. Tomorrow I am making a pot of lentil stew that I have the ingredients for, and that is going to be my dinner every evening. Salads for lunch. Shake for breakfast. I have to maintain control.
In all honesty I have struggled a lot this week with wanting to give up for the 50th time. But I just cannot. I am trying to not even allow that to be an option. I do not know what happens to be stamina and perseverance when it seemingly vanishes?? I think that is the biggest mystery of all?
But I am determined to keep returning to God and obedience and doing hard.
I think I need to do harder, though, because I wimp out so often. I can leave my house with such determination to only eat what I have written down for the day, and before I know it I am eating something form a fast food window and justifying it a million different ways. I have thought of leaving my payment options at home, but then I feel concerned that my car might break down or something and then what would I do? I’m telling you I have every excuse imaginable to allow myself to do the wrong thing.
I am interacting with the God of the Universe here and I do not have the proper attitude. I think that is 95% of the issue. He is God and I am not. He calls the shots; I do not. To disappoint Him should be A BIG DEAL!!!! But I somehow manage to not see it that way?
I read this quote by Lysa Terkeurst today that was so amazing: “Seeking [God] requires me to sacrifice things I feel compelled to chase so I can be available to notice God’s clear direction.”
First of all, that is me, for sure. I feel compelled to chase after so many things that it’s laughable. To be a God-seeker, I cannot just start following along with these divided loyalties, sometimes seeking after what is compelling and sometimes seeking God wholeheartedly. NO!!! The only way to notice God’s C.L.E.A.R. direction is to have an undivided heart and mind. This heart that chases after foolish things is the reason I get so lost as to the ways I need to go. The things that compel me are mostly food related, but sometimes there are other sins that sneak in as well.
So once again, I am building the altar that will contain my sacrifice: all the parts of me that do not honor God. Crawl up on that altar and become that living sacrifice (Romans 12:1). Bind the sacrifice with cords to the altar (Psalm 118:27), that sacrifice being me! Because until God’s refining fire has its way with me, nothing much will change…