For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good.
Rhona Epstein is an author I appreciate. Her first book, Food Triggers: End Your Cravings, Eat Well and Live Better, is a book I devoured, but maybe before I was ready for the material. So while I am going to reread it, I decided to read her second book first. It is called Satisfied: a 90-Day Spiritual Journey Toward Food Freedom. I like the fact that it is a daily devo.
I like the fact that the dedication page says the book is “for anyone who has the courage to face his or her food problem.”
Back when I really had my eating under control, I was free from migraine headaches. This morning I got the first migraine I have had in years. I see this as such a barometer of my control. Or lack thereof.
In the intro to this new book, Rhona states:
“I know the deep courage it may have required to pick up this devotional. As you read these words, I want you to understand how brave you are in taking this first step toward freedom. I haven’t just studied food addiction and recovery; I have lived through it and overcome it. I know all about the struggle to put on foot in front of the other, one step at a time, toward a life of freedom. I remember the lost hope, the depressing cycle of one failed diet after another, and the inevitability of serious health problems.”
That is all the further I got before the tears began. It is gonna be a long read, for sure. I want to be her. I want to be on the other side of the food struggle. I am just tired. Tired of the Me I do not want to be? Tired of eating. Period. I truly get up each morning and just wish I had the ability to not eat. Because as long as I don’t eat, I am in control, right?
I am currently reading Never Binge Again by Glenn Livingston. The info he puts forth in his book is massive. I am reading slowly and trying to take it all in. The part I appreciate most in this book is the suggestion to name that part of your brain that causes you to binge The Pig. Well, OK, I can do that because it sounds appropriate for the way I see myself eating at times.
Sitting on my shelf is The Renewing of the Mind Project, which I will start soon. Because God is showing me that in order to overcome this mess that is me it has to be a singular focus. While a million other things are of equal importance, FOR ME it has to be ALL ABOUT overcoming binge eating, which is a mind renewal issue.
And again for me, reading numerous books at one time is not an issue. I actually seem to thrive on that. So I plan on adding as many focuses as I can handle. One thing I am going to do is letter each day something pertaining to this issue on a 3×5 card (or maybe a bigger card) and single hole punch it and slip it on a ring. One of those easy open key rings? My mind sees such a clear picture, but I was unable to find anything on Google Images.So it gets accomplished I will post some pics.
As I step back a touch and look at this in relationship to the entire Reclaim the Temple Project, I can clearly see points of intersection that make a meshing that is comfortable.
Not Buying It continues on because my heart and mind are minimal at their core, and Not Buying It is totally tied up in the Tiny House dream as well. Weight Loss is what I am hoping is the result of a mind refocus.
I feel like Rawsome Summer has been a bust, really. In my human perspective of eating raw I have come no where near what I had hoped. I had wanted the end of the summer months to find me comfortable in raw eating and raw living, having lost a lot of weight as a result. But God is quick to tell me that the first step in that vision I had was to obey, and every single day is fraught with disobedience that needs overcome?
AND hardest of all to embrace is a legitimate eating disorder which cannot be healed without first healing my mind.
I wanted to create a little community of like minded people that could journey together, but that isn’t happening, so I am changing the blog over to a diary of sorts. Just for me. My insistence on community seems to be something that is not in my story for now. And I will be OK with that. But the hardest thing is a separation from people that lead me astray. Not intentionally, but because they do not understand what this life is like. People I work with. People I attend church with. People I study God’s word with.
Pretty much, if food is involved, I will need to refrain. Yikes! Can I do that???
I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
So no more saying I can’t. This must now be war, to be fought with a full battle armor in place. Scripture gives no other way to fight Satan. The Belt of Truth will be buckled firmly in place at my waist. I am not sure what God intends this piece of armor to really be for, but to me, it needs to protect my stomach and be my indicator of obedience; if it can be cinched in, then I am obeying as God intends. The breastplate of righteousness is in place, protecting my heart (my emotions). The Gospel of peace is on my feet to show me how and where to walk. I will hold onto the Shield of Faith because it is one piece of the armor that I can actually control as I use it to fend of the flaming arrows that Satan will be shooting at me. The Helmet of Salvation will protect my mind. The Sword of the Spirit will be my source of daily (hourly) spiritual food. (Ephesians 6: 10-19)
“And pray.” Those are the next two words after the armor description. So I am taking that to mean that all the armor in the world won’t help or sustain you unless it all becomes a matter of constant prayer (I Thessalonians 5:12).
So Rawsome Summer needs to die and be replaced by something else. Not sure what though. I would love to incorporate the word Fall as a season tends to be a good amount of time for me to focus on at once?
Until next time. I would truly like to start posting shorter and daily as a way to make this more diary like. I think I might try to focus on that for August and see what happens?