Update Day

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I had thought every other Monday was a good day to gather updates on the Me I want to be, but what I thinking?  First, organizing my life has totally alluded me up until now; and Monday’s are typically my worst work day?? Silliness, right.

Since Saturdays are most known for extra time, I will just get it all documented today.

I read Psalm 101 this morning and was so impressed with the man David. He had such lofty aspirations so much of the time.  He fell into horrific sin some of the time; sounds a lot like my life. In Psalm 101, here are the things he rightly sets out to make known in his life:

“…walk with integrity of heart…” and “within my house” no less. We all know it is much easier to have the greatest of integrity around strangers or mere acquaintances than around our family, in our house so to speak.  There are days on end that I am sure my extended family thinks I am just nuts and cannot understand anything I say or do. Most days I am confident that the only person who currently lives with me, Little Lovely, knows my heart well and can see my efforts toward integrity. And I, hers.

“…set nothing before my eyes that is worthless.” Wow, this is a road block for me, for sure. I am forever paying attention to Netflix shows that are just of very little worth. I am much pickier about books and super picky about music.So what happened to the Netflix/Amazon videos/TV/FMTV arena. Not sure, but I might guess that the watching occurs when I am just too tired to do much else? David has prompted me to make an adjustment there. Today I am taking the time and creating a wheel illustration for the things I desire to do every day. Once that wheel has no undone activities, I will allow myself to watch something “worthless.” That will most likely NEVER happen, and that is the point!

“….keep perversity far away from my heart…” I had to define perversity in order to think through this: contrary, wayward, cantankerous; persistent or obstinate in what is wrong; rejecting right, good or proper; wicked or corrupt. So David’s commitment to avoid perversity must have come after his conviction by Nathan regarding his sin with Bathsheba. Actually as I look over the list, it all must have been impressed onto his soul as a lifestyle list once he determined to change his ways! I must admit, perverse things scare me and I stay as far away from them as possible. But as I look over the definition, my tendencies toward gluttonous eating is very perverse. It is a rejection of what is good, proper and right.  It is persistently wrong.

“…hate the work of those who  fall away…” The fact that they have fallen away means that at one time they were not. Hate is a strong word, but David uses it to state his position toward those who once were, but walked away.  He says their work will not cling to him. I think he is saying he has to move as far away from people who once toed the line and their activity so that he will not be drawn into their ways. My big area of needing to “hate the work of those who fall away” is a couple friends I can instantly think of who ride the roller coaster of right eating as bad as I do, and maybe worse, because their “right” eating is in total opposition to mine, and their “fallen away” eating is even worse; and yet, it is such a stumbling block to me.  I feel convicted to “hate the” behavior “of those who fall away.”

So how goes it in each of the categories associated with Rawsome Summer 2018. Overall, I am in the middle of good. Trudged through some bad to get here, but for now, GOOD. And I am so grateful to the Lord. My HUGE accomplishment in the very recent past was to start exercising again. If it hadn’t been for Little Lovely, it never would have happened. She invited me to go for a hike. I am thinking, “I don’t hike??” But after saying no in my head at least 10 times out of my mouth comes a resounding, “OK??”

Honestly, the entire way there in the car I am in such a state of dread that I just want to cry. And then I hear, “You know, you can do this, Mom. Most people think they cannot do things because they don’t like to do hard. But hard is good.”

Confidence booster, right?

When we arrive at this spot she likes to hike, we park the car and begin towalk a bit to the trail’s start.  Little Lovely says, ” There is a hill at first but then it is flat.”

The dread returns. Ten fold.

I can walk some FLAT, but not a hill????  I am probably the most out of shape person I know??

When we got to the start, all I could do was cry.  There was no way I could do this. Seriously, the hill went up to beyond where I could see.  Not a slow slope, but a pretty sharp incline for what appeared to be forever.

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Long story short: I made the climb.  This pic does it no justice. It was nonstop up for 1/4 of a mile.  I went to the place it leveled out. I went back down and then I walked more on level ground until we came to another lesser hill. I went up the lesser hill and back down.

When back at the car I can’t quite describe how I felt. I doubted that I would be able to get out of bed the next morning.  I doubted being able to sleep due to joint pain. I slept and I got out of bed.

AND I did it again this morning. I have to keep going so it becomes a lifestyle. If I can do it in 90 degree weather, I can do it anytime, right!!

The “ME I want to be” can tackle hard.

Eating Raw.  I have made some fun raw meals lately, including a Raw Pad Thai  that was amazing. Mostly, I have clean-out-the-refrigerator smoothies: into the blender goes anything that needs used up. This morning’s smoothie was a half a cuc that I had cut for salad, peaches that I don’t want to go soft, frozen bananas, and meal powder.  I never know how they will taste, but that is OK.  I drink them no matter what.      #life

Each week I try to get a bit better at the percentage of raw.  Each week I try harder to not eat what I do not want to eat. It is working.

Most meals are very mono-meal-like, one or two things. An entire baby watermelon for breakfast. 6 peaches for lunch. Salad is often the dinner go to. Or a smoothie bowl here and there.  I have a dozen raw recipe books. I love to pick something involved and complicated every so often.

Not Buying It/No Shopping/No Spending.  I am feeling like this is leveling off in its intensity.  I am managing not to panic when the library doesn’t have the book I think I want to read RIGHT NOW.  I did make a purchase that I wasn’t intending to make. Little Lovely ordered a phone case, and she ordered the wrong size by accident. I told her to reorder the right one and I would pay for it and keep the accident case!  AND for my kindness, she got me a pop socket for the back of my phone that is covered with avocados!!

So while I truly must be becoming more like the Me I want to be, most days I don’t notice. The struggle is real, and it is a matter of focus! I committed to not overly evaluating anything until the end of August.

Don’t you love the photo at the top. It was taken in Lancaster, PA by my aunt recently on an equally hot day. Summer is NOT my season of choice.  Mine is winter, and I love snow pictures and fireplaces and the like.  NOT the beach. Or the heat. Or humidity. Or ticks. Or mosquitoes.  Shall I go on. My list is super long.  The Amish have no air conditioning, nor the ability to dress in cool clothes. So this afternoon of playing in the water made me smile for them.

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