Day two

Nothing to complain about today.  A sweet day of being home until later in the day when work summoned.  I dislike Saturday work, but of all those who could take the short shift, I am certainly the best option.  So, I do it.

I am loving these days where I do not have to think about food at all.  THIS is what you have for breakfast,  This is what you have for lunch.  And it looks remarkably like breakfast.  This is what you have for dinner. Again, such similarity.  Haha.  I almost wish I didn’t have to choose snacks.  I have chosen identical snacks yesterday and today.  I am so comfortable in the ordinary and repetitive.

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I have realized that the action of eating is what I enjoy more than the actual taste of the food.  I sit with a mere 2 tablespoons of sunflower seeds, eating a few at a time.  When they are done, without even a thought about fullness or satisfaction, I just want to continue that pattern of putting the sunflower seeds in my mouth.  I am so glad to have noticed that and recognized it for what it was. I feel like, until we see something plainly, it cannot be dealt with plainly!

I had a sweet prayer time again today over Little Lovely.  I hope she feels a breakthrough in her spirit and body as a result of these prayer times. But I do trust the  Lord to know what is best for her and bring it about.

In times of fasting the Lord is always so sweet to bring about thought processes that are needed.  I have wrestled hard with numerous issues recently, one being the whole idea of caring for the temple God gave me.  The common thing for everyone to say, because they really just want to coddle you and make you feel better, is something along this:

You are enough.

God designed you and loves you just as you are.

You carry God’s DNA so you are worthy.

I feel like people use these phrases to justify something, and in my case, people offer me those phrases when I talk about gluttony, how poorly I have taken care of my temple, and the like. And all the while, something in my soul has been offended by these niceties.  But I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly it was.

So I have wrestled.

How to straighten out the disconnect in my head?  A disconnect I really cannot even define properly.  But as I have thought on it more and more, God has revealed things that have made sense to me. Now, I am in no way suggesting that God loves me any less that He ever will or ever did.  This has nothing to do with God’s love for me!!

But what it has to do with is my position in God through Christ. That is what is at risk when we do not take the proper regard for our sin.  Yes, God did indeed knit me together in my mom’s womb.  He gave me the nose I have, the eyes, the ears and the mouth, all through the DNA he infused me with from my parents.  And as he formed me there in the quiet, he also infused me with His DNA, because all humans are made in the image on their Creator.

As I thought through that I realized that the me God created was mostly unchanging.  Well, without surgical procedures that is. Haha.  So I am stuck with my eyes and their shape and color.  I am stuck with my nose and its huge-ness.  I am stuck with my ears.  I almost said I am stuck with my hair color, but in the world today that isn’t really the case!

Do you think God minds when we dye our hair?  Oh, my…another rabbit trail I could start down.  I guess if I accept God’s gift of me, I need to accept it all?  I do not dye my hair.  I am just pondering the idea.

So, the one aspect of me that I can alter is my weight.  It is like God gave us one self-alterable, physical attribute as a way to test our devotion to him.  And while I know how absurd that sounds, it is the picture in my mind.  Tests are part of life.  God gives us many tests to hone us into the Jesus-person we need to be.  And mind you, you are not being tested because God needs to know your level of devotion!  He is well aware of the things we place in front of Him.

So while He looks upon me with the greatest of  love, His desire to see me restored to the weight He created me to be is something that stands between us.  And yes, I am well aware of grace.  But I am also well aware of the sin that I cannot seem to forsake.  And sin keeps us from the closeness we could have with our Heavenly Father.

God will walk with me until I get to the other side of this sin, I have no doubt. And He asks me to sink deep roots into Him and work in tandem with His Spirit to overcome!

Grace abounds and covers all my sin.  My salvation is sure.  And when I confess and overcome my sin, my relationship will grow into what God desires it to be.  He WANTS to love on us without the hindrance of sin.  Just like God had to turn away from Jesus when He became covered with our sin, there has to be a distance where sin exists.

THAT motivates me.  Not the little niceties that people repeat to make you think your sin is no big deal.

Believers, STOP DOING THAT!! 

Do NOT give those who sin a reason to believe that it is inconsequential!! Tell them how much God loves that always, but don’t say their sin has not made a difference in their relationship.  Tell them it has.  Push them toward restoration by working hard with God’s spirit to overcome!!

Then they will be free indeed!!



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