Saturday has turned into a day of fasting for me. I typically have this one and only day a week to be at home most of the day. I do work for a short time in the evening, but aside from that, it is a day I can spend totally in the presence of the Lord, feasting on His word, praying, thinking, sitting quietly before Him. In my efforts to be intentional, I am going to declare most Sundays a day of fasting as well. Not only is this good for my spiritual health, but it works in favor of my physical health as well, given my system a much needed break from its nonstop work of digestion. I want to be aware of the fact that relationships may take a front seat to extending the fast through Sunday, as this is sometimes the afternoon I get to delight in my grandson over a meal and conversation.
On this particular Saturday, I am still sipping on my first cup of coffee that I made before 6am. Yes it’s cold and is probably going to get poured out soon, but when I absent-mindedly reach for something, it is there.
Outside, it is sunny, and looks deceptively like it is warm. It is a balmy 39°, which, when compared to recent single digits, will suffice as warm. I hear birds feasting on a deck feeder which I filled this morning, and even through closed windows, the dripping of icicles is rhythmic. But, this winter gal needs assurance that winter is not yet over?? For two years in a row, mid January saw an end to Winter and an early arrival of Spring. Not my preference, but I must say 98% of the folks around me would be very happy for that.
Today my chant has become one of “tell that apple pear panini to stop screaming at me from the refrigerator.” Fasting should only be done once all leftovers in the house have been purposely thrown away. But, I want to keep assuring myself that it will be permissible to eat that leftover panini once the fast is over. So it sits in wait. Today God is filling me, not food.
I am slowly learning to make food obey me. I am also learning exactly what it means to bring the body under the authority of God the Father. That is a good feeling.
Through the 4o Day Sugar Fast that I am participating in, women have been sharing stories about God meeting them with other things He desires for them to set aside. Not necessarily just food. Some mention Netflix. Video games. Social Media. Caffeine. Each time I read one of these stories I stop to think about whether or not this might be something I need to forsake as well?
See, I have this serious problem with silence from the throne of God. I honestly sense Him saying nothing to me?? But a lot of that is disobedience, I believe. Until God sees that I will listen to what He says, why speak? And I don’t really think God speaks in an audible voice, although my opinion can be changed if that ever happens to me!! I feel like it is more a heart impression that you just know is GOD. I used to so childishly pray that God would reveal himself to me in that audible or obvious manner, but I now strive for greater obedience in order to make a cleaner vessel for Him to inhabit and move. Often times I believe the silence is a NO or a WAIT on God’s part, but I don’t take it as such. I take it as an inability to hear on my part.
Not long ago, I needed God to give me an answer to a prayer regarding a giving amount for a program at church. For weeks I prayed alongside most of our congregation. So many were quick to tell stories of God impressing upon them a specific amount to set aside for the program. I never heard anything. Nothing. But prideful me could not accept that maybe I had worded my prayer wrong-instead of “how much” it should have been “should I”- and I signed on for three years of giving beyond my regular tithe, which God was most likely not in favor of, for whatever reason. While I have made the pledged giving each and every month so far, I have been struck by some other giving requests that I just couldn’t even consider as a result of possible disobedience. What if God was putting those things before me just to show me what greater obedience could have looked like?
I have determined that the amount I pledged will remain a pledged amount in a special pot once the campaign is over, and when God brings things and asks me to help, I can. But again, it requires that connection I have not yet established?? But in the long run I have learned how important it is to help your brothers in need.
Weigh In Day is right around the corner. Not sure how it will look this week. I guess I never will. It is best that way. I do not want it to be all about the scale. So once a week, I will accept whatever that piece of equipment says and use it to determine how obedient I had been to the Lord.