Today I learned that it is important to remember your past as it pertains to your present and might possibly affect your future. In the realm of food/eating/addiction, what this boils down to is finding the “whys” behind your behavior. But try as I might…nothing. There is nothing in my past that points my mind or heart toward a cause for my food abuse. Now, there was stuff, mind you (sexual abuse, parental death as an almost-teen, a horrible marriage that eventually ended in divorce) but none of it seems to strike me as a trigger for decades of overeating and food idolization. Maybe it all gathered together to form the cause. Only God is aware of that.
But here is the thing: even if we can form a really good reason why something overwhelmed us, we still will suffer the consequences in the same way as someone who cannot. So I have decided that accepting who I have become and working with the Lord to correct it is my course of action.
There are so many internet personalities that I have learned so much from over the past years (fatgirlfedup on Instagram, Cookie Taylor on Facebook at Reach4More and Heather Goodwin, also on Facebook at The Butterfly Effect Raw and Plant Based Weight Loss…to name a few). It doesn’t help me to listen to folks who have not had a weight loss transformation because it is easy to convince myself they don’t really get it. I am an avid reader, so I also get inspiration from authors who have transformed themselves and written to tell about it. Recently, I finished Full: food, Jesus, and the battle for satisfaction. The author, Asheritah Ciuciu, presented food vs satisfaction in Christ in a way that I could embrace.
I know that weight loss has to be something I allow Christ to control, and I will be the first to say that I have no idea what that really looks like? But I am choosing to trust that God is good all the time and, if I allow it, he will guide and direct.
So in my times of intense prayer over the last month or so, I believe God has helped me form some parameters. They are a bit loose for now, because they all need to be subject to God in the moment. But based on things he has taught me over the years of searching here they are:
I firmly believe that eating as raw as possible is the healthiest way to eat for a body that is in need of healing. And an obese body is definitely in need of healing. As the weeks go on, I will document the different areas where I need to see healing, but for now, just know that I consider myself in great need!!
If raw is just not possible in the given moment, vegan is where I default. Part of the necessity to default hangs around my bad habit of eating out and on the run. That is going to stop. So I will eat as raw as possible and at home, or food brought from home.
I am intrigued by intermittent fasting as a way to bring food into a position of servant-hood. I would like to set a 10 AM to 6 PM widow of eating to begin with and eventually shorten it.
I will weigh in only once a week and post it here for accountability.
I have not yet determined how I will do the calorie counting, food logs, etc. If I am allowing Jesus to guide this, I want to make sure I am walking rightly. And I just don’t see this area clearly yet.
I also am not clearly seeing the exercise arena clearly either. I have a physical job, and often I just want to sit after that. And so much says that when your body is carrying so much excess weight, especially when you are older (forgot to mention that I am older…haha…58 to be precise) is all you should ask your frame to do. Exercise should wait until weight loss has occurred and you are at a lower weight. So until I see these two areas clearly I won’t have a good plan here.
Scripture will be my main source of inspiration. I am confident that God will provide what I need to do this task, but I have to determine ahead of time that all glory will be His once it is accomplished. i also have to prepare myself for God’s reality, not my own. So I have tried to erase what success looks like in my eyes. I know that success in God’s eyes will be my devotion to Him in all things. The two have to become entwined: my desire to be the right weight and His desire for me to have a heart that runs after only Him.
The next days leading up to Jan 1, 2018 will be ramblings of a sort that allow me to get some things documented, in order to have a place to refer and look back. I have this dream of a tribe of people in the Reclaim The Temple Project, supporting each other in our run toward Christ and satisfaction. That is where my goals lie. Maybe one day. I know that weight loss has to occur before anyone will pay attention to me, so first things first, right??
To His glory,